Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better
by BloodAvenger42
Summary: A little one-shot that I wrote after hearing that song while browsing youtube. Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of the characters used in this story. All rights go to TIte Kubo. Might bring the rating up a bit, but you tell me.


Any Thing You Can Do I Can Do Better

Rukia stared at the scene before her.

"So… how did this happen again?" she asked.

Kisuke sweat dropped as he put his hat over his eyes.

"Well, it kind of went down like this…"

**6 hours ago…**

"Oy, Hat-n'-Clogs you said that you needed to take a look at Kon again right?" called Ichigo as he walked into Urahara Shoten.

Kisuke looked up and smiled.

"Ah, Kurosaki-kun, yes I did, is he with you?" he asked.

Ichigo simply held up a struggling Kon.

"Oy, let go of me you idiot this freaking hurts!" growled the hapless mod soul.

Ichigo handed Kon over to Kisuke who held Kon in a similar fashion.

"Don't you worry, Kon-kun this won't hurt a bit, honest," said Kisuke as he took Kon away to do… whatever the hell he did to Kon while doing his check-up.

Ichigo sighed as he sat down to wait for Kon to be done.

"Oh? What brings you here, Ichigo?"

Ichigo looked behind him to see Yoruichi standing there in cat form.

"Yoruichi-san!" exclaimed Ichigo as Yoruichi padded over.

"Stop with the 'san' business, you're making feel old," teased Yoruichi in mock annoyance.

"Oh sorry," said Ichigo.

They sat in silence for a while with nothing really to say. Ichigo got lost in thought thinking of what to do for his sisters' birthday coming up.

_What should I get them?_

"Hey Ichigo."

Ichigo turned to where Yoruichi was sitting but didn't see the cat.

"Back here."

Ichigo turned all the way around… and leapt into the ceiling in a trail of blood from his nose as once again Yoruichi transformed into a human.

"GODDAMNIT YORUICHI!" roared Ichigo with a red face as he turned away.

"Heh, the same reaction every time," chuckled Yoruichi as she pulled on her clothes, "I guess I'm just too good at surprising everyone."

Ichigo perked up at that.

"Is that so? I think I can surprise you better," said Ichigo.

Yoruichi finished putting on her clothes and turned to face Ichigo with an eyebrow raised.

"Really? I find that hard to believe, I can do anything better than you," said Yoruichi with a cockily.

Ichigo smirked and started stalking towards Yoruichi.

"No ya can't," he said.

"Yes I can," she said.

"No ya can't."

"Yes I can."

"No ya can't."

"Yes I c-," Yoruichi started to say, but then her breath hitched as Ichigo's face was inches from hers.

"No ya can't," he whispered into her ear.

Suddenly there was a chilly feeling running down her back… a really icy, wet feeling.

"Gah! You put an ice cube down my shirt!" she cried as she hopped around trying to get the ice out while Ichigo laughed.

When Yoruichi finally got the probing ice out of her shirt she turned on Ichigo with a glare.

"Fine you win that one, but I can shunpo faster than you," she said.

"Che, that 's a gimme, I can do an algebraic question no problem, can you?" asked Ichigo.

"Well yeah… uh… what is algebra?" asked Yoruichi.

Ichigo chuckled.

"I thought so."

Yoruichi glared at Ichigo.

"Well how about this, I can drink more sake than you!" she said.

Ichigo blanched.

"Whoa no you're not pulling me into that!"

"Which means that you can't hold your alcohol better than me."

"No ya can't I just-."

"Yes I can."

"…No ya can't."

"Yes I can."

"No ya can't."

Yoruichi grabbed a huge bottled of sake at slammed it on the table.

"Yes I can."

Ichigo leaned over the table with a challenging smirk with Yoruichi mirroring it on her side.

**A few drinks later…**

Ichigo's head was on the table and he was waving a little white flag over his head while Yoruichi sat victorious albeit a bit tipsy.

"How do you drink sho much…" muttered Ichigo.

"It'sh called yearsh of practice my friend," slurred Yoruichi happily.

Ichigo slowly lifted his head with a tipsy grin.

"Well I can keep balansh… after drinking better… than you can," said Ichigo getting up shakily.

Yoruichi got up just as shakily.

"No ya can't…" she said clinging to a shelf.

"Yesh I can," said Ichigo clinging to the table.

"No ya can't."

"Yesh I can."

"No ya can't."

"Yesh I can!"

Both stood up straight… and fell on their backs dizzily…

"Nobody can…" they both groaned.

Ichigo grabbed his head until he thought of something else.

"I can eat more than you," he said.

"I can eat you under the table," Yoruichi shot back.

"No ya can't."

"Yes I can."

"Did somebody ask for an eating contest?"

The smell of food wafted through the air and the to looked to find Tessia already cooking while Ururu and Jinta were holding bowls of hot noodles in hands. Ichigo and Yoruichi suddenly sat up and glared at one another, all of a sudden sober, and grabbed chopsticks ready to gobble down everything down in front of them.

**Meanwhile…**

"There, your check up is complete~!" sang Kisuke.

Kon leapt up and away from the scientist.

"Yata! Now I can finally return to my beloved Nii-san!" he cried.

Kisuke giggled from behind his fan as he followed Kon out the door to his private room. As they came out of the hall, they started hearing commotion. Kisuke and Kon looked at one another before walking out into the main hall… only to find stacks of empty bowls sitting everywhere. In the middle of it all were Ichigo and Yoruichi eating away at bowls as fast as they could. Once finished, Jinta and Ururu handed them a new bowl while Ririn and Kurodo relieved the eaters of the old bowls. Noba was sitting in the middle of the table with a huge clipboard to keep tabs on how many each of the finished. Kisuke blinked in shock before turning around to Tessia who was cooking away in the kitchen.

"Uh… Tessia… what's going on?"

Tessia turned a bit from what he was doing.

"Ah, Shopkeeper! I'm just cooking the food Shihoin-sama and Kurosaki-dono are eating for their eating competition!" said Tessia.

Kisuke looked at the forest of stacks almost as tall as him and sweat dropped.

"Eheh… well…"

Kisuke walked up to the table after carefully navigating around the bowls and took a seat at the table. Neither contestant seemed to notice him. Noba looked up at Kisuke.

"Is there something you need, Urahara-sama?" he asked.

Kisuke shook his head and instead looked down at the clipboard curiously. His eyes almost popped out of their sockets when he saw the results. Luckily Kon yelled his reading out loud.

"Eh? A tie and both over 300 bowls?!" he cried spinning towards Tessia, "Where do you get all the food?!"

Kisuke looked at Yoruichi and Ichigo nervously seeing as they were glaring at each other the whole time neither showing signs of slowing down any time soon…

**An hour later…**

Both Yoruichi and Ichigo had their heads on the table looking like they were going to barf. Around them, Ururu, Jinta, and the mod souls were putting everything away. Tessia was in the kitchen enjoying a bowl of noodles that he made for himself. Kisuke was simply staring at the results written on the slip board. There were ten full pages of tiny tick marks and when Kisuke finished tallying he almost fainted.

"It's over 9000!" bellowed Kon before falling on his back.

"And they still ended in a draw…" said Kisuke before looking at the both of them, "And they managed to stay thin as well…"

Suddenly the two of them shot up holding their mouths. Kisuke knew what that meant and immediately pointed towards the general vicinity of the bathroom. Yoruichi and Ichigo jumped up and fled to the bathroom where all the members of Urahara Shoten heard the sickening sound of them upchucking everything. Once they were done, they stumbled out and back into the meeting room where they collapsed using each other as support. Kisuke looked at the two before walking over to them.

"Ahem."

The two of them looked groggily up at Kisuke.

"What?" they both asked.

"May I ask what you two were doing?" he asked.

The two looked at him before Yoruichi turned to Ichigo.

"I bet I can punch Kisuke farther than you," said Yoruichi.

"Eh?!" exclaimed Kisuke.

Ichigo snarled and glared back at Yoruichi.

"No ya can't."

"Yes I can."

"No ya can't."

"Yes I can."

The whole time they were arguing they slowly got up. Kisuke inched backwards toward the exit nervously.

"Now, now let's not do anything rash…" said Kisuke nervously.

In a flash, Yoruichi and Ichigo had Kisuke by the arms. It was expected since this was the Goddess of Flash and her apprentice we're talking about. Ichigo had really excelled in Hoho thanks to Yoruichi's teachings. The two dragged the poor shopkeeper down into the training room closely followed by the other members of Urahara Shoten.

**3 hours later…**

Rukia walked towards the entrance to Urahara Shoten. She had been waiting for Ichigo and Kon to return all day, but after hours of waiting she finally had enough and now here she was. Rukia opened the door… to find a rather peculiar scene before her. In front of her, the members of Urahara Shoten were hooting and cheering while Yoruichi and Ichigo doodled like mad on the papers in front of them while blind folded and Kisuke sat in the corner with an ice pack on his cheek. When they finished Ururu picked up the papers and examined them intently, then looked at the Mona Lisa painting in the middle. Suddenly Jinta noticed Rukia.

"Oy, Rukia which one is better?" asked Jinta.

Ururu turned the pages and Rukia gaped at the two near perfect copies of the Mona Lisa.

_Guess Ichigo really does draw… and Yoruichi-san too!_

Rukia blinked.

"Uh… I think… it's a tie…"

Both Ichigo and Yoruichi threw off their blindfolds and glared at Rukia.

"WHAT?!"

Rukia stumbled backwards with her hands raised. Ichigo and Yoruichi then glared at each other… before looking at the ceiling in thought.

"Err… what else is there?" asked Ichigo.

"I dunno I think we've covered everything…" muttered Yoruichi.

Suddenly a smile crept onto Ichigo face.

"Actually… there's one thing…"

**Present time…**

"So that's why these two are having been making out for about an hour now?" asked Rukia with her brow twitching.

Kisuke looked at the two battling it out with their tongues before looking back at Rukia.

"Eheh I guess so…"

"Nii-san! Let's do it too!"

BAM!

Rukia kicked Kon onto the floor and slammed her foot down on the back of his head without looking at him.

"So who won?" she asked.

Kisuke blinked and looked over at Noba who was the official scorer of this little contest. Noba just shrugged.

"Well, I don't know about all of you, but I think that we should give these two some privacy," said Kisuke.

Everybody agreed and filed out of the room leaving the two contestants to their own devices.

**FIN**


End file.
